The following letter was written by another missionary wife and mother...it is from the latest Heartcry magazine. After reading it I cried. Her thoughts are exactly what I have been thinking upon and feeling lately.
"I recently began to feel the acute pangs of missing home...I looked at my little daughter who is a constant joy in my life, and I ached with the desire for her grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles to experience her life as I do daily. But they won't, and when they see her again, this stage will be gone. These sad thoughts grew, linked themselves to others, and spiraled downward to a place where my sacrifice no longer seemed worth it. My head knew why it was worth it, but my heart refused compliance. I began to think: If I could only have some assurance as to when we should be finished with the work, then I could set my eyes upon the light at the end of the tunnel.
However, this caused my heart to leap at the thought of returning home to family rather than at the precious reality that a new people group is now offering a new praise unto our Father...I looked up Deuteronomy 18:1-2. God, in giving instruction to the Israelites before they enter the Promised Land, lays down what should be the inheritance rights for the Levites, those God-chosen servants who were to devote their lives to worshipful service in the temple. My heart sank as I read,
Tears burned my eyes as the Lord spoke these words directly and deeply to my heart. I thought of the other eleven tribes who received--as their right--a share in the goodness of the land. I then thought of my family, in their homes, enjoying the blessings those "lovely, earthly joys" God had freely given them. And I heard my Lord Most Dear whisper to my heart, 'But that is not your place. Your inheritance is different.' As I was soaking this in, tears again burned my eyes, and I whispered back to Him, 'This is a hard word.'
My desires to have my daughter grow up around her grandparents and family and eventual life of pleasant familiarity in America crumbled around me. Then, I again heard God whisper, 'This is not your inheritance. Your inheritance is Me.' How true this is for my life. I even live on the offerings made to the Lord by my brothers and sisters who have received a very different inheritance. As I closed my Bible my eyes again went to Amy Carmichael's letter:
'You will never regret your choice. It is wonderful to be free to pour out all, every drop of one's life; and that is what you have done and are doing. No, you will never regret it; never.'
There, in my mind's eye, I knelt beside the road of my spiritual journey, dug a small hole and buried, hopefully deep enough, my desires for a different inheritance. He is enough! My heart still feels weighted with mourning the death of a desire. However, my heart is secure in knowing that He is enough. I must, in faith, cling to this promise. He is my inheritance, my eternal inheritance, just as He promised."